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How Lonely could the world be if there was no one there to love me, I searched to find a calmer peace of mind. But Loneliness and Heartache seem to grasp the better part of me each time. I reach out for love to only get something that is nothing and treated as if my world has no time. Disregard me from what you feel is right look past me as if I am not standing there. for I am a ghost dying to be seen. " I scream Look at me, I am here, I am here, Listen to me for the words that I say are of my own. My life, My pain my sorrows for which they have brought me pain.
I can tell you of a man that I once knew, someone who was filled with the promises that a realness of you.

Torture my only device for exsistence, loneliness is a familiar world that I have always known. Search to find..a distance that is mine. a truth a better part of me

That Window Of Opportunity

I made a change in my life a few weeks ago, I packed up what I could bring by Greyhound and what little that could be shipped by Fed-Ex and left the rest behind to one day be placed in the mail and delivered to me by friends and family.

I relocated to Portland Oregon. I know right? I didn't do my research well enough because if I would have I think that maybe I would have fought with the powers that be just a little bit longer until there was an acutal comfort zone that I thought that I had wanted to be in. Now I am Here, I am loving the city and all that it has to offer in the ways of culture and a much different way of living.
feeling a bit alienated from the world and so far away from what I am used to. I have spent most of my time in doors and not really adventured off into the city except for that one time I explored Downtown for a few hours. Completely judging the place from The rejection yet again from the Gay Community due to the difference in preference. I judged the city on just that experience alone.

I have been stood up quite a few times on coffee dates from guys who have asked me out for just coffee, because that was the only place that they would get with me. But I messed up and made a mistake once again by judging my first hand experience on what I was exposed to early on.

Stepping out of your comfort zone and allowing yourself to explore life for what it really has to offer. I have been realizing lately that this is a prime opportunity for me to have my rebirthing experience that I have been wanting and looking for in life. Still a bit afraid of what is out there, I am needing to experience this on my own. I know that although I will have to leave some people behind and maybe looking at what tools I have such as my social networking, which at the moment may not be working very well so much for me. due to the fact that most people have have deleted from my page and blocked.

I was told by a friend that I don't give people a chance and that I tend to cut people off a little to fast.
I have really been thinking about that comment lately and I have come to the conclusion that I am not going to take the responsibility for that one, because we all have the choice to want to pursue relationships and to make them want to grow. When there is an intial exchanging of Phone numbers and someone calls or text you just to say hello and there is no response at all of a week later you will get a who is this, in my opinion that is something that needs to be looked at by the person that it is happening to.

I wish that I had some magical potions to make me not feel this way, also maybe allow me to move on to where I need to be. That is completely up to me. to do that  and make a change in that department.  I am noticing that the people that are commenting and judging you are the ones that have made you feel this way in the first place.

I wish everyone well, and know that my words are not meant to hurt anyone on any level. But What I am experiencing is very real at this moment and the truth is the only thing that I have to look at right now.

Take Care of Yourselves and everyone else

Kenneth